My problem with writing is that I never know where to start.  I tend to come to an idea right in the middle.  A flash of something exciting; a moment in time that could be meaningful.

How do I find the beginning of that idea?  Where did that moment come from?  This is where I fall down.  But then I thought, Maybe that is the beginning.

Who says you can’t start right in the middle!?  Probably someone, but what do they know!

I haven’t been thinking about writing much these days anyway because I have a nemesis.  An evil being that is dragging me down and plans to kill me!  This nemesis is also known as the 50 pounds of flab I’ve been dragging around with me. Blurgh!

I never had a problem with my weight.  I grew up thin, I didn’t work out and I was able to eat whatever I wanted and never gain weight.  Yes, I was one of them.  However, around the age of 26 I started to go to the gym because I was getting a  bit soft.

Then … I started working at home … *sigh*

Working at home was great! It had a lot of good points.  Me taking care of myself wasn’t one of them.  I stopped going to the gym.  I met a wonderful guy and since I was making good money we ate out a lot.

I started gaining weight but didn’t really notice.  I’m not sure how I didn’t notice because at some point my clothes stopped fitting and even to this day I wear my hubby’s t-shirts because I refuse to buy new clothes.  Denial?

The most annoying part of being overweight at this point is that some part of my brain still pictures myself as I was 5 years ago.  Then I’ll be walking past a store front and catch sight of myself in the windows,  do a double take, scream out HOLY SHIT IS THAT ME?!, feel terrible and go home and eat some chocolate.

I remember the first time I really saw myself as chubby.  The place I was living had a bathroom mirror that was so high on the wall that I could only really see my head.  My friend had a baby and we went out to visit her in Calgary.  It was in her bathroom that I came face to flab with the horrible truth.  She had a mirror that was placed so you could actually see yourself and I remember just staring at my boobs and my tummy.  Where did all that fat come from?

I’m telling you this, cyber-world, because maybe if I put something out there I will be more motivated to do something about it.

I can almost live with not being able to fit in my clothes.  I can’t live with my knees hurting, my back hurting, running out of breath going up the stairs, seeing my new underwear and thinking it’s a towel.

It’s time to sort this shit out!

2 thoughts on “Nemesis

  1. Hey this is nothing that can’t be fixed.. I understand your issue. Too much weight on your body is not good for it. People talk about losing weight for vanity purposes, but in actuality it is not for that, so much as it is for your health.

    I am a foodaholic. I love food. However, i have also been going to weightwacters for a few years now, not so much to lose the weight, but to make myself conscious of healthy eating. It does work too. I had a flavorful butter chicken the other day with heavy sauce and i nearly died that night and the next day. Lesson learned: stay away from high fat and greasy food because your body is not used to it any more. The end result is good for me.

    Jen, you are a beautiful woman whether you are heavy or thin. A few pounds does not take away from the essence of you. But, as you age, health is going to become more important than it is now. And, as you get older, your health is all that really matters. it is more important than money, than fame, anything.

    Good luck, although you don’t need it!


    • Thanks dude! You’re so right too. It’s never bothered me as much as it does now that I feel the effects of it health-wise. I’ve never been overly vain, but I worry that my health is not so great at this age.

      Setting up the “gym” in my house this weekend. We’ll see how that goes. 😉


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